R E G R E T.
verb 1. feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over (something that has happened or been done, especially a loss or missed opportunity). "she immediately regretted her words "synonyms: be sorry about, feel contrite about, feel apologetic about, feel remorse about/for, be remorseful about, rue, repent (of), feel repentant about, be regretful at/about, have a conscience about, blame oneself for "they may come to regret their decision"
Now that we covered the definition. It can mean something different for everyone. For me I feel like life is too short live with regret. I can't live with the thought of letting fear stop me from starting a lifestyle I had only dreamed of. We used to always joke around and say "When we take our California vacation, we might not come back". Now look at us, days away from the movers showing up to pack and move us to California! Funny how things work. When Al came home that Friday evening with dinner in hand he said:
"I have a new job opportunity" from then on our world forever changed. The plans I had made (in my head of course) for the next 15 or so years did a 180. Followed by the ultimate question. "Where?" I responded.
"LA" he said with excitement and a smile of almost disbelief. "As in Los Angelos"?
I went into processing mode. Slow down, back up, hold the phone....
Let me rewind here. Since coming back to Georgia, he was promoted and started to do the weekly travel. Yes it is hard, but we were making it work. It wasn't that bad actually; in the beginning. Then the twice a month Tuesday-Thursday turned into him only being home one week per month including weekends. Again it was ok at the beginning, but then it got to the point where we were both burning the candle at both ends of the wick. Handling the daily household functions with a 4 year old preschooler and a 2 year old along with our two dogs and two cats was literally running me into the ground. He would get home on Thursday nights. Always way past the babes bedtime. He'd be exhausted from a full work week plus the flight and ride home. Come Friday, we are both trying to lean on one another for some support. When we are both at the end of the rope how can we actually be there for one and other? We were sinking, in two completely different ways. Two completely different worlds. I saw it as, he gets to sleep in a hotel alone, uninterrupted. A full 8 hours. A dinner out maybe even a glass of wine; with no time limit, no interruptions. While I am in the trenches. Diapers. Snacks. Car pool line. Dance. Speech. Litter box. Dogs. When was the last time I washed my hair let alone had a conversation with another adult; in person? Did they eat this morning? Ya, thats where I was.
He saw it as: she‘s home, playing with the babes, in loungewear, sleeping in our bed (though not alone, and the occasional foot in the rib but still our own bed). Trust me, when I could break free on the weekends, I did. He started to see a glimpse of how hard this was. A glimpse. I started to see the toll all this travel was taking on him. Realizing maybe it isn’t that glamorous living out of different hotels sometimes each night, eating whatever was open at the end of a long day only to go back to a lonely room and do it again the next day.
It was only when we both started to see the what the other person was actually going through that (going on 10 months) enough is enough. Something has to change!
Within a few weeks this job opportunity fell into his lap. Same company. Different position.
Back to process mode. Part of me was like this is exactly what we've been wanting. Home for dinner was our goal. I needed him to be home for dinner, the babes needed him more than I could ever explain. But the other part of me was like LA? Thats far AF! I've never even been west of Alabama. This right here is where my no regrets mentality takes over. If we don't take this opportunity, what... we just carry on with this insane travel and hope for the best? What happens in 6 months, a year, five years? Would we look back and wonder? If things got bad would one of us say to other "we should have taken that Cali thing". Maybe he could find another job here in Georgia. Would it even pay the same? Would he be happy? Would we be happy? Maybe. But what if...what if we just did this. The babes haven't really started school, we haven't established anything serious here, we're still young enough to "just do it". So whats holding us back? Our HOME. We love our home. I must have cried every morning that first weekend when we weren't sure if this was the right choice. I love it here, the schools are top notch, the people are friendly, our house is the perfect fit for us. The giant fenced in yard, the upgrades, the modern style, the bamboo hardwoods throughout, the technology, it's ours...I could go on and on. Clearly this was one of the big things holding me back. We're we really happy though? Talking with my circle of bests they all said this was going to be great! How exciting for you both! Y'all belong in Cali! I started to really think, a house is really just brick and mortar. You can have the best house on the block but if you're truly not happy; whats it even worth? That brings me back to the regrets part. I will not allow myself to have regrets.
Obviously it was also a matter of our families. Both sides live on the east coast. For us it has always been a plane ride away. About two and half hours to NY & an hour and a half to FL. It'll be a longer plane ride, in which visits can now be vacations living so close to the ocean.
That Monday was the deadline. When I got up, I didn't feel sad anymore. I felt excited for this new chapter. If anybody knows what it takes to handle a work relocation move it's us.
As I started the shower he popped his head in to say "good.... and before he could get out morning, I just hollered out: "We're doing this".
The rest is a wild roller coaster ride that we are currently on. Thankfully it is coming to an end, it has been full of raw real emotion (this is the part that makes us stronger than we thought possible) that I will fill you in on once we are able to get off safely.
It will all be worth it in the end, because Daddy will be home for dinner.
I've attached some of our house pics to give you the full picture.
"We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us".