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Stay at home Mama & Social Media

"Social media is changing the way we communicate and the way we are perceived, both positively and negatively. Every time you post a photo, or update your status, you are contributing to your own digital footprint and personal brand." --Amy Jo Martin

Coffee Talk today Friday July 20th. Yes I’ve been off the grid so to speak, the social media rabbit hole as I like to say. I wanted to take a breather for a bit. Which lasted far longer than anticipated. (5 months and counting) I needed to actually do this shit instead of jotting ideas down in a planner, I strive to live by. Usually I get sidetracked with making a snack changing a diaper, switching a load of laundry. What SAHM doesn’t get sidetracked? No this isn’t some rant on how hard it is to be a stay at home mom, domestic goddess, food network chef, interior designer guru, no not this post. This was the one that was suppose to be my “did ya miss us” “we’re baaaaaack!” But before any other post this needed to be said. 

Stay at moms; has social media helped us or hurt us? The answer; I believe, isn’t that cut and dry. The answer is both, it’s helped us and also hurt us from time to time. 

I feel like I was putting so much pressure on myself to be the ultimate mother & wife. Let me tell you; as if y’all don’t already know; social media has a way of making us feel less. Pause hold the phone. Less as in we get a free minute, hop on our favorite platform only to see the beautiful moments of someone else’s life. As some days I’m covered in a smashed banana, sitting next to 4 loads of laundry, with dishes piled up from breakfast (as it’s almost dinner time) and I’m still at a loss of what I’m going to whip up before my husband walks through the door from his long week traveling the East Coast. I can’t be the only one who feels the constant pressure of trying to do it all, thanks to you Instagram. When we see beautiful clean homes with clean beautiful children we start to benchmark ourselves. Personally speaking I start to feel like my role as a wife & stay at home mom isn’t enough. Feelings of insecurity, jealousy and self-loathing occur. 

“It’s human nature to compare. It helps us orient ourselves in the world, add context, and communicate better. The dark side emerges when we use others as a mirror or benchmark for what we think our life should be. And we all do it all the time”.  

So why can’t we stop? The answer really isn’t to stop making comparisons, but to change the object of comparison to ourselves. That bears repeating: Measure yourself against yourself.

“Here are three questions to help you redirect your thoughts away from what other people are doing. When you catch yourself feeling low because someone else appears to be riding high, ask:

Is it important to me?
Do you really want a Porsche, or do you want one because your neighbor with the lead foot and big house has one? The next time you’re longing for an extravagance, ask yourself: Why do I want it? Am I seeking status or approval? Does it match who I am as a person? Maybe the answer is yes, but maybe it isn’t.

Where do I want to go?
We all have a plan for ourselves. It helps us prioritize where we spend our money, our time, and our attention. As hard as it may be to see a friend’s Tweets about all the new restaurants she’s going to, remind yourself that if you spent your free time hobnobbing with her, you wouldn’t have time to work on the new store you plan to open next summer.

How far have I come?
This is a great question! It gives us perspective on how much we’ve achieved (or not). Any resulting emotions are completely valid because they relate to ourselves. Your friend who made her first million at age 30 — wish her well, and stop worrying about it. It has no bearing on your history of accomplishments. Besides, you probably wouldn’t want to do what she did to earn it, or you’d have done it already.” -

On the flip side social media can also make us feel inspired. Inspired to try new things, like food, home decor, vacation destinations, parenting strategies etc. It connects us to all sorts of different people, places and things. It also keeps us connected to distant family. Family and friends who we don’t regularly see. For us that’s huge living thousands of miles away. It keeps us feeling like we’re in the loop. So ya for me the answer is; both.
And ya of course we too, have beautiful days together! Picture perfect days. (some documented some not). Beautiful & perfect but mostly sticky, messy, & unorganized. 

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